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tornadoday

~ …might I be found in words I leave behind

tornadoday

Monthly Archives: January 2021

still –

31 Sunday Jan 2021

Posted by tornadoday in Poetry, spirituality

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

a jealous moon, a light on the porch, do you remember, life, love, seasons, truth

of the ways I came
and here before –
you waited my arrival
kept the candle lit
beyond the cursing sun
wishing now
a welcome home
without the need for blaming
without the want to understand
the reason I was gone

no want for tears
we gave them all
and kicked the boards
for crying –
swore to never love
if love were true
passed a night (or more than one)
without a word between us –
spent the chill of winter
wide awake
and back to back

I wondered
as to moments –
longest time
til I would go –
how much of this
was more than fate –
to prove it wasn’t easy
years from love we loved
before the first
we came too late

straight back chairs
empty lockets –
swore the stars to secret
I left a crumpled note
beneath the bed
planted corn between the
vines –
and waited yellow roses
marked the ways
you knew me
one by lonely one

. . .

to grieve the same ~

25 Monday Jan 2021

Posted by tornadoday in Poetry, spirituality

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

allowing, courage, grief, home, knowing what I know, memory, time, truth, what might have been

Today’s devotion was one that I needed (tho I find I need almost all of them in some way or another). It was about grief, but not grief in the traditional way you think of it – as grieving over something once had and lost. It was grieving of another kind – grieving for what might have been.

In the devotional, one woman explored her grief for a life that might have been had she not miscarried a child – her life and the child’s. And it made me think to the children I’ve never had, but also to other lives, some lived through word or in memory – but lives I grieve the same.

Take time, wherever you are to think on those things – even if just for today. There’s another life that misses you, other arms that reach out within the silence. Do not dwell in that place for life continues regardless. But it would be a shame to not allow them their space, to allow the tears that you’ve dared to cry alone.

when I’ve forgotten
how it was –
or what of hope allowed
when years have gone
with all I dreamed about
let not my heart
be fractured
along the same sweet lines
where once I loved
my love shall be
in breath –
no longer mine

. . .

rush to silence ~

19 Tuesday Jan 2021

Posted by tornadoday in Poetry, spirituality

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

allowance, dreams, life, love, silence, truth, whispers, wonder

daylight
sends a shiver
down my spine –
before I heed the wanting –
to resurrect a dream
twilight
wakes a longing –
where my heart has disappeared
and I am left to grieve
for times
between

I want to
understand –
how it is
you found me here
as paper birds
imagined into flight
as breezes blew
seedlings of a life
before I lived
moments rush to silence
the name you took
last night

. . .

breath before rising ~

18 Monday Jan 2021

Posted by tornadoday in Poetry, spirituality, Storytelling, verse

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

grace, lessons, life, love, memory, nature, seasons, soul speak, time

in the swell of the tide
a breath before rising –
in the roll of the sands
neath the shore
I’ve noticed the rivers
run deeper than blood –
and the trees
taller still than before

I’ve reckoned the sun
how she leans to the right
when no one is watching
but me
how she warms to my skin
as home she remembers –
a lantern set high
on the sea

sometimes morning
awakens the night –
with whispers of promise undone
prickled by weeds
berries and blossom –
fireflies skimming
the pond

bitterly sweet
scattered transgressions –
as who for another
moment would trade
dust from a memory
of life as we knew –
to wait for a night
in the shade

. . .

I am ~

15 Friday Jan 2021

Posted by tornadoday in Poetry, spirituality

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

breath, life, love, measured moments, memory, seasons, spirit, summer, time, truth

I am the road
an evening sunset –
left to burn
against your brow
I am the memory
of other summers –
where life began anew
somehow

I am breath
I am October –
a field of reds
where heaven grew
I am words
tho never uttered
I am life
returned for you

another me
as seasons follow
within the count
of death to days –
I am love
I will not falter
where’re the heart
my truth remains

. . .

get me ~

13 Wednesday Jan 2021

Posted by tornadoday in Poetry, spirituality, verse

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

assurance, country, faith, home, life, love, remember, seasons, time, truth

get me to singing
like some old guitar
a bit of boards straining
for tune –
the one you played
remember that time –
chords and crescendos
of me wanting you

get me
to forever
we swore there would be
feather beds
wrapped
with cotton sheets
long nights passed
with but a whisper between –
summer smiles
and kisses –
an old porch swing

get me
to sunrise
without worry for sleep –
questions
for all this love means
move me
to make you –
these lips to beg you
stay
silent reminders
to breathe

. . .

to my soul ~

13 Wednesday Jan 2021

Posted by tornadoday in Poetry, spirituality, Storytelling

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

friends, grace, knowing, life, love, memory, morning, seeing in the dark, stars, time, truth, universe, wisdom

It’s true that I have nearly 175 items in my WordPress draft folder, and on days when I need to, those provide a comfort or a kick-start to other words. I considered them first thing today, while I searched for the warmest socks in an over-stuffed basket. But when I got to my desk, I found something else, and there…..other words that needed no push in becoming.

I’m convinced that it’s not indigestion or a storm or anything quite so mundane that wakes me in the night. When it happens, I roll over, look at the clock and typically go right back to sleep. But not without smiling at the reassurance that I take in this simple (though some might call infuriating) occurrence.

While there are vast numbers of people who understand the complexity (and simplicity) of the universe, few put absolute faith in the fact that it is constantly working for us (almost like a personal assistant type of universe). That’s my ‘belief’ – that the universe is up all night trying to figure out just what I need and when I need it in order to make sure that I get it.

So, when I wake up at 4:08 and can’t be sure why, I am confident that someone somewhere has spoken my name. It’s also why sometimes at 2:03 a.m., I wake and speak other names. Yeah, I know you’re shaking your head (or some of you are). And that’s well enough, but you’re surely missing out on an amazing part of this life (your life).

But back to today. What you know so far involves socks and waking up at 4:08 a.m. Not too exciting even to a boring story.

But once I arrived at my desk, I had a message through messenger from a dear friend, who, in the midst of his two o’clock run from Houston to Dallas, was stopping for breakfast at some ‘hole in the wall’ diner just outside of Austin. And over eggs and coffee, he thought of me and wondered what my day held in store. His note came in at 4:12 a.m.

Think what you want. That crazy girl in Tennessee couldn’t possibly be onto something. But be advised that the crazy girl in Tennessee is definitely onto something, and likely has more help with life before she opens her eyes than you get all day from your not so ‘weebie-weebie’ sources.

In the meantime, my expectations for the day ahead just shot up, and I smile now, grateful for the universe, for Hank, and for places that serve hot coffee and fresh eggs when needed most. Somehow, even in the midst of crazy, the universe remembers what we prayed for and what we need most (even when we don’t realize how strong the need).

The universe remembers us home.

had I laid awake
a moment more –
to wish upon a star
called his name
aloud into the dark
gathered soft as morning
as light across
my room
surrendered to remembrance
these pieces of a dream
where I am still made humble
by the moon

had I drifted
as nightbirds
sang of trees so far away
of lifetimes
I have no excuse to know
to waltz
along the shoreline
in strands of blue and gold
to wake with sand
pressed sweetly
to my soul

. . .

forgotten ~

09 Saturday Jan 2021

Posted by tornadoday in Poetry, spirituality

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

destiny, learning, life, love, memory, poetry, soul, soul memory, stars, time

 

when I’ve forgotten
how it was –
to want for something more
when years are passed
will I no longer
wait along
your shore

when I’ve forgotten
everything –
I thought I knew of love
will then I write
the same as I do now

of verses
met with kisses –
scars where touch was burned
dreams I lived
with evermore to learn

the ways of you
the ways of us –
embers to ignite
a blue I can’t remember –
stars betrayed
to life

. . .

maps we drew in darkness ~

08 Friday Jan 2021

Posted by tornadoday in Poetry, spirituality

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

alone, brokenness, enduring, faith, ignorance, knowing, life, love, maps, refuge, sorrow, surrender, tears, truth

I’ve spent some time
in disbelief –
with years to wonder why
mornings washed
a flood of tears –
yet not a one to dry

not a one to
understand –
and ne’er a will to know
beds made up with thistle
and left along
the road

with none to share
who can say
they knew far better than
those who dream of dying –
who walk a broken land

who decides
and who condemns
the ways for which we came
with maps we drew in darkness –
hurts we gave
our name

. . .

safe within the arms of home ~

06 Wednesday Jan 2021

Posted by tornadoday in Poetry, spirituality

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

belonging, home, life, love, patience, the way, time, trust, truth

I’ve not the heart
to wager –
or strength for compromise
no easy path
to places we belong
stay with me
lay with me
ferry me the night
til I am safe
within the arms
of home
wrapped in sheets
of ivory –
saved for just this once
to wake
beyond the dream
we waited on

. . .

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Poetic Thoughts

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