by name ~

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the clouds
have meshed into
the one
to smoke a midday dark
forgotten how it felt
to melt
forgotten how to rain
as destiny
each world recalled
another us
by name

as heaven willed
as fate concurred –
to keep the whole apart
a parallel
suffice to bring us here
failing each remembrance
now the moon is blue
rewritten how
the waves were pulled
to make of us
anew

. . .

first to whisper ~

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when I’ve forgotten
who would dare
to speak of you that way
reminders to a heart
nearly healed
who will be
first to whisper
each time
my laughter falls
counting not
my tears
have burned away
when I’ve forgotten
who will come
to fill these empty
arms –
a muse to take
your place
another day
who will know
of memories –
I’ve tucked where none
can see –

. . .

breath for breath ~

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were there signs
we failed to notice
edges faded gray
words we lost in speaking
as hearts for others
paid

other lives
we left forsaking
what might be our last goodbye
what might wait
beyond the sunset
coral wings
against the night

without fault
without remembrance
lest our days be counted less
than a moment
life was traded –
soul for soul
breath for breath

were there signs
we gave each other
memory carved into the soul
touching places
we were lovers –
coming home
and letting go

. . .

already ~

in the still
of not quite over
I find my words again
hushed within the shadows
I’ve become
pressed into a memory
someone left before –
storms awake
and I
am not yet done

thought to go
forsaking us –
one more kiss then I
shall memorize these places
coming home
awkward
as remembering
when first you understood –
how was I to linger
as love already
gone

. . .

burned to cinder ~

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until the end
of all we’ve gathered
this my vow
i make to thee
to free my heart
of every wanting –
love that not a tear
shall ease

until the sun
is burned to cinder
spreading heat
across the day
I shall lie awake
til morning –
pulling you in
begging you stay

until my lips
are words forsaken
coldest night
in which we sleep
I shall dream
your arms around me –
as heaven here
my soul
will keep

. . .

meadows far from here ~

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I recently attended a memorial service for my aunt, who has spent the last nine months in some state of ‘coming home’ – from Salt Lake City to Tennessee. It was a wonderful time for sharing stories and memories. And while we might have shared some of them back in March, I found an advantage in the delay – memories and stories unencumbered by the immediate weight of grief.

For me, it meant I could share funny stories without breaking down, speak without a catch in my voice. In response to one story of my uncle’s driving, I noticed at least ten people actually in tears from laughing so hard. My aunt would have loved it!!!!

The minister whispered to me afterward, “I’m growing quite fond of these delayed events.” Maybe it’s the storyteller in me, but I believe it’s because they come at a time when memories aren’t part of what breaks us, but rather part of what is saving us. Perhaps it’s another lesson in perspective, viewing truths through a more compassionate eye.

Personally, I think we could use a bit more of that.

when blue
my ashes fall
on meadows far from here
or drift atop a wave
deep and grey
remember me
another time –
as a wind I came
to you
whispers of forever
given you to save

. . .

wherever love ~

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had I more
than stars for wishing
years of standing still
the memory
of falling to the sea
where I slept
within a sunrise
as ten thousand came before
swimming in your eyes
rescue me

had I will
to run or follow –
a step or two behind
beyond the pull
of destiny or sky
tempted by a promise
truth would see me home
lest I wander with
this mystery
called life

had I courage
for surrender –
death to stave again
carried up as leaves
to lay me down
had I faith
to live another life
were this my only plea
come to me
with arms
to wrap around

. . .

no say ~

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i have no say
in destinies
chance another wrought
no proof
you held my hand
or kissed my lips
as lifetimes felt
beneath your touch
eternities denied
as breath where words
are tangled
love persists

a page or two
folded now
held against my breast
tethered to a moment
we remain
beyond the hold
of circumstance
within the reach
of dreams
a sigh to wear
the memory
of your name

i have no say
in destinies
chance another wrought
no proof
you held my hand
or kissed my lips

. . .

“I will look for you in every lifetime and love you there.”

Kamand Kojouri.