another mile ~

forgive me
the sum
of mounting transgressions
paperwhite doves
I dreamed for you here
forgotten how angels
could fall
from a dream
to dance on a rainbow
of tears

. . .

love me up ~

04 Monday May 2015

Posted by tornadoday in Poetry

≈ 24 Comments

Tags

acceptance, distance, friendship, frustration, love

As of late, I’m a bit overwhelmed. Yeah, it’s the new job and a hundred other things….

But the thing that overwhelms me is something else. It’s an old familiar struggle.

I recognize the signs, and yet hesitate to do anything about it. It happens periodically that those I love want more than I can give – some reassurance of my love.

And while I have no issue with reassuring, and am sorely grateful to be loved, at some point, it doesn’t feel like my reassurance is enough. Loving becomes more like a job because if I don’t respond a certain way or within a specified time, then surely I must not love.

Instead (and I imagine you laughing even now, bird), it becomes about me showing the signs and following the rules. And once it becomes about the rules, it stops being love. Once it becomes an obligation, it stops being love.

I had a conversation with my sister-in-law just last week. She frets because her relationship with her son isn’t what she wants. She wants to be a part of his daily life and so she calls, and calls, and calls. And eventually, he gets angry and tells her off. Then she gets her feelings hurt and calls to say that he doesn’t love her (and I’ve always thought I was a good mother).

What she doesn’t realize and I’m trying to help her see is that she has made this all about her, instead of realizing that love is about giving others what they need (even when it’s not what we need). The times I felt most loved are the times when someone gave me something they really didn’t want to give. It was in those times, their love for me was bigger than them feeling loved in return.

And yep, what happened is what I knew would happen – I loved them more.

I have a dear friend who doesn’t yet understand this simple notion. If I haven’t written, then she won’t speak to me. She punishes me for not being the friend she wants or thinks she deserves. Ultimately, she’s right for I’ll never be the friend she wants or deserves. But if she understood, she might be amazed to find that I can be a better friend than either. Instead, she sets the rules of how I should love and gets less in the process.

What my sister-in-law doesn’t yet realize is that if she allows her son all the space he needs, he will eventually come to her and she will receive more of the one thing she wants – his love. Until then, she can make herself miserable with the rules, and at the same time, somewhat unlovable.

the busy moth
a night becomes
the color of the moon
a shade the same
as breath
within the cold
ashes drift
and I’m returning
to where I was before –
awake when no one knew
to ask the dream

. . .

Q ~

30 Thursday Apr 2015

Posted by tornadoday in Poetry

≈ 18 Comments

Tags

always, beauty, blessings, bliss, eternity, friendship, grief, joy, life, love, presence, Q, spirit, Susan Q. Fults, truth

in the gracious greys
of just before
sunlight spills the dawn
darkness pulls
his tender heart
to mine
silence rings
with angels
rafters bend and sway
heaven wanders
not so far –
not so far away
from evermore returning
words without a sound
to grieve ten thousand
mornings
with a sigh
love is but a moment
of light before
the dawn
a dream denied
the safety
of the night

Author’s Note: As the result of an ectopic pregnancy in 1984 , she required
a blood transfusion. It saved her life, but took something in return.

Testing wasn’t the norm, and she contracted Hepatitis C. It would
not relent, and claimed permanence via liver cancer in 2012. This weekend,
hospice was called in.

She waits, and those who love her pray for a miracle. And yet,
already she is one. For Q with love always.

. . .

the window of your tears ~

27 Friday Jun 2014

Posted by tornadoday in a time for telling, Poetry

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

angels, breath, connection, death, destiny, dreams, faith, family, fearless, friendship, grace, life, living, love, memory, old maps, reason, relationship, spirit, truth, understanding, wandering, wonder

what essence
have I left behind
to places here I love
don’t think me gone
– don’t think
you are alone

how could you know
of something more
than moments yet to grieve
a heart designed
to hold the love I leave

will hear the faintest echo
of laughter
such as mine
through the trees
a buzzing like the bees

a ripple on the water
flowing gently to your shore
as daylight
thru the window
of your tears

o don’t think me gone
when all I love
is here

in ways
you will remember
every whisper of your name
a presence just beyond
the reach
of dreams

these arms
were meant to hold you –
even now
they warm you so
don’t think me gone
– love won’t
let you go

. . .

In memoriam ~
James Houston Thomas
June 25, 2014

blue this morning after ~

27 Monday Jan 2014

Posted by tornadoday in Poetry, verse

≈ 14 Comments

Tags

breath, canada, connection, forgiveness, friendship, grace, knowledge, life, living, love, nature, old maps, poetry, reason, spirit, spirituality, star crossed, truth, understanding, wandering, wonder

how sweet
the wind
returns the sea –
how blue
this morning
after –
is come for me
a promise
thru the gale

of longing
softly whispered
abide
within this night
come as breeze
to carry me
away

of thought
returned
as soul to soul
was reason
to deliver –
the dreamer
from the soft
embrace
of dreams

Author’s Note: A dear friend sent me this picture
today – a place not far from his home in Newfoundland.
The image was from the summer just past, a kiss
of breeze upon the waves. Thank you, Shea.

. . .

worn away ~

05 Sunday Jan 2014

Posted by tornadoday in a time for telling, Poetry

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

becoming, breath, connection, death, destiny, dreams, faith, fearless, forgiveness, friendship, grace, gravel roads, keeping, knowledge, lessons, life, living, love, moments, old maps, passion, reason, sacred intimacy, souvenirs, spirit, spirituality, star crossed, truth, understanding, value, wandering, wonder

others tell
with names the same
of living
worn away –
lines retraced
– and all i’ve missed
of you

visions
almost faded
are dreams
we shared somehow –
with only these
– memories
too few

save a seat
where I might sit
in shadows of the throne
to reminisce
on moments –
held in place

keeping this
a secret mine –
of story once you told
a lifetime passed
– a night
within your grace

e’en now
my soul remembers
the beauty
of your voice
tho years have passed
between –
and now an end

to times
i thought
of coming back –
to find within
your arms –
all i was
of how you loved me
then

Author’s Note: I learned today of the passing of a dear
and old friend. Years have worn between, tho nothing lost.
Truth remembers everything – the same as new somehow.

Dates are
carved, but loving yet lives on.

Rest sweetly, dear Victor.

. . .

three ~

30 Thursday May 2013

Posted by tornadoday in folklore, Poetry, Storytelling

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

becoming, bodee, connection, destiny, dreams, friendship, grace, life, living, love, memory, old maps, poetry, reason, soul signature, spirit, strength, truth, understanding, woman, writing

of stories
I’ve forgotten
times and places
touch untold –
gave my heart (the way of graces)
left of every love
I know

another girl
another baby –
(now a woman)
pens the night
silver locks reweaving promise –
verses fell
by candlelight

into magic
I was given –
fragile moments to defend
(all I was)
I am remembered –
baby
woman
child (again)

. . .

Author’s Note: Inspired by a painting
gifted me by a dear friend.
“She is Three” by Joey ‘Bodee’ Dalton 2011

Liebster and Others ~

13 Monday May 2013

Posted by tornadoday in Awards

≈ 17 Comments

Tags

bliss, connection, friendship, grace, gratefulness, honor, life, living, love, poetry, relationship, restless, spirit, truth, understanding, writing

Before I take care of the formalities of receiving this sweet award, let me acknowledge the many who have given me this (and other) awards, and hopefully, this one (divine) act will satisfy them all. I am hopeful and I am humbled.

Thank you…….to my beautiful friends – Mary, Willow, Soumyav, Linda, James, Wendell, Mira Jay, J. E. Lattimer, Blue, Leroy, Jaana, Paul, Larry, Dan, and Vimal. Forgive me in advance for rolling all of these into one post. Know that I love each of you far more than words could say, and am thankful for Mary for giving the latest award such that it served as a much needed kick to do something other than say thank you (although thank you is, hopefully, understood).

Thank you, Mary for your love and your light. I am graced by that which falls against my shadows. This reward is of no comparison to the graces you share with us here. ~ http://godisiam.net/

I believe you say it best when you say quite simply – namaste.

The rules –

1. Accept the award, post the picture of the Liebster Award on the top of your post and say who nominated you for the award and list their blog site. (Check)
2. List 11 random facts about yourself.
3. Nominate 11 other bloggers for the Liebster Award and list their blog sites. (Okay, you’ll either have to accept that I can’t count or that I think rules which define love are a waste of time.)
4. Notify the bloggers of their award.
5. Ask the award winners 11 questions to answer when they accept their Liebster Award.
6. Answer the questions left for you by the blogger who gave you the award.

11 facts
1. What I know. Some things don’t last forever, but some things do. Like a good song, or a good book, or a good memory you can take out and unfold in your darkest times, pressing down on the corners and peering in close, hoping you still recognize the person you see there. But always, that place, that person or song is there.
2. I am a very spiritual being.
3. My life is very blessed, such that I could not forget it if I wanted to.
4. I love. If there is one thing I know about myself it is this. It is not what I do, but who I am.
5. Morning is the time I enjoy writing the most. In that time, more than any other, words rush right past my hands.
6. I may not make a difference to a lot of people, but I can make a difference to a few. Since I don’t know who those are, I try to reach a lot. 🙂
7. There are no problems bigger than a person to love.
8. My parents live not far from me. My dad turned 80 last fall and suffers from Parkinson’s, and yet, he laughs. He loves and no matter how weak he might be, there is room on his lap and in his rocker for me. Home is where it is easiest to simply be, where love aspires to be nothing more (or less).
9. Nature is my cathedral of choice. It is there I hear angels most often.
10. I pray that I never live long enough to think I have learned everything. I pray that I am always a smile on the face of memory.
11. I am grateful for this place and these lives that have expanded to include me. I am quite positive that you grow tired of the word ‘love’, and yet there’s not a second choice word that does you justice.

11 questions
1. Why do you write? Because I don’t know how to not write. I am quite certain it would be easier to stop breathing. I am reminded of the answer to why does the caged bird sing ~ because he has a song.
2. Where is the one place you wish you could live? Actually, I live in every place that I have lived…..and love in every place I have loved. Beyond this life, I pray I live.
3. If you had the opportunity to go back in time to do whatever you wish, would you take it? No
4. What’s your writing process like? I don’t have one. I don’t question or wonder or plan. I write. Words come and I let them.
5. Among your work, do you have favorite poem? If so which one and why? Yes, and no. I have lots of favorites and some are posted here – deliberate pause, another me, where kisses fell, and one Kentucky (after all). They are all favorites for different reasons. I could no more choose a favorite than I could name a favored season, moment, or love in my life. Every day is the best day, every kiss the sweetest, every sunrise, the most beautiful.
6. What made you start writing? I wrote in college and then lost touch with it for a while. In 2001, a friend gave me a journal and all I had saved rushed forward to the page.
7. What is your favorite topic to write about? Life, love, truth, nature, and the beauty that sits just beyond the window’s edge. Remember – I write.
8. Who is your favorite poet or author? I’ve always loved Emily Dickinson, but also love e e cummings, Mary Oliver, and Lyn Lynfish.
9. What inspires you to write? Truth, love and divine (sweet) grace.
10. Is there someone famous that you admire? Actually, I admire anyone (famous or not) who chooses to make this world better, whether in little ways or big ones. We belong to one another. I admire those who love the job.
11. Which time period do you like the most? Early morning. Early afternoon. Late night. 🙂 All of them.

And finally, answer time: 05/13/2013 @ 12:50 a.m.

As for recognizing other bloggers, I am already extremely aware that I will miss someone that I don’t mean to. There will be someone that I love that is left from the list. Just know it wasn’t intentional, and that I love you (already) for any forgiveness you send my way.

– http://foreverpoetic.wordpress.com Wendell loves such that his words glow. I, for one, am grateful.
– http://liliessparrowsandgrass.com Dee writes with such grace and with divine gentleness. I am awe of her words and the love she breathes into them.
– http://lindawillows.wordpress.com and http://lesplaisirssimplesdelavie.wordpress.com Linda and Cynthia (Cindy) share an extraordinary talent for marrying image to words, such that I am not sure which is the most envious of the other. Always, they take my breath away.
– http://soumyav.wordpress.com Soumyav is a soul of pure white light.
– http://jamesfielden.com James is an extraordinary writer, and a beautiful tender soul.
– http://makebelieveboutique.com and http://sbsebring.wordpress.com Blue and Bob both make me think. Always, their words pull me to another dimension of thought, of understanding, of questioning. In your words, Blue, I have found the perfection that is being imperfect – the bliss that is allowance.
– http://bluesander.wordpress.com Nessa is a sweet young, exquisite talent ~ a breath of innocence and strength (even when she doesn’t think so).
– http://throughthehealinglens.com Robyn has a heart of a gold, and a soul in full blossom!
– http://betweenpoles.wordpress.com Vimal is a dear sweet friend, and an amazing poet.
– http://ladybluerose.wordpress.com Mary is a sister of spirit. Her love is a blessing.

And a host of others for no other reason than that I love them, and always their words inspire me, delight me, and move me. Thank you Dean, Martin, Lenise, Willow, Stephen, Dennis, Peter, Seb, Mira Jay, Vanessa, Tracie and Paul.

– http://deanjbaker.wordpress.com
– http://agapintheclouds.wordpress.com
– http://iamleniselee.wordpress.com
– http://willowdot21.wordpress.com
– http://bumbastories.wordpress.com/
– http://dcardiff.wordpress.com
– http://grandfathersky.wordpress.com
– http://beijomacio.wordpress.com
– http://divinerhythm.wordpress.com
– http://ordinarylifelessordinary.wordpress.com
– http://tracielouisephotography.net
– http://pjb1943.wordpress.com