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tornadoday

~ …might I be found in words I leave behind

tornadoday

Tag Archives: family

through my bones ~

06 Monday Apr 2020

Posted by tornadoday in Poetry, spirituality, Storytelling

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

blessing, daddy, family, grief, home, in my bones, love, memories, reminders, seasons, spirit, time

beyond

it’s been awhile
these days between
the first kiss
and the last –
years have rolled
as thunder
through my bones
reminders of the summers
we laughed
until we cried
knee deep in the river
that was life

. . .

in loving rememory –
Robert Brady
9/11/32 – 4/6/2016
love is the best of all we carry

❤

whispered into sorrow ~

22 Sunday Mar 2020

Posted by tornadoday in a time for telling, folklore, Poetry

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

awakened, becoming, connection, death, destiny, faith, family, fearless, forgiveness, grace, knowledge, life, love, nature, old maps, passion, poetry, reason, restless, spirit, spirituality, strength, truth, understanding, value

silencewing

lest I awaken
mourning dove above my head
whispered into sorrow
by his song
will all I have
a pittance make
compared unto his loss
a place alone
where silence beats the same

sworn to birth
some other time –
before the sky burned black
was here
the reasons scattered us apart
folded as a memory
into the great unknown –
while fortune sleeps
beside us
in the dark

. . .

on father’s day ~

27 Thursday Jun 2019

Posted by tornadoday in Poetry, spirituality, Storytelling

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

acceptance, breath, disappearing fathers, family, fearless, home, life, love, memory, seasons, spirit, time, understanding

A friend shared this with me on father’s day.

I wish I were the author.
I wish I didn’t know what the author speaks of.

asIhavelovedIamknown

Disappearing Fathers
by Faith Shearin

Sometime after I turned forty
the fathers from my childhood began disappearing;
they had heart attacks during business dinners
or while digging their shovels
into a late April snow.

Some fathers began forgetting things:
their phone numbers,
which neighborhoods belonged to them,
which houses.
They had a shortness of breath,
the world’s air suddenly too thin,
as if it came from some other altitude.

They were gone:
the fathers I had seen dissecting cars in garages,
the fathers with suits and briefcases,
the fathers who slipped down rivers
on fishing boats and the ones
who drank television and beer.
Most of my friends still had mothers
but the fathers were endangered, then extinct.

I was surprised, though I had always known
the ladies lasted longer;
the fathers fooled me with their toughness;
I had been duped by their jogging and heavy lifting,
misled by their strength when they slapped
me on the back or shook my hand.

I kept imagining I would see them again:
out walking their dogs on the roads
near my childhood house,
lighting cigars on their porches,
waving to me from their canoes
while I waited on shore.

. . .

still ~

11 Tuesday Dec 2018

Posted by tornadoday in Poetry, spirituality, Storytelling

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

endearing, faith, family, grief, life, loss, love, mourning, time, truth, value

day begins at night

Over the last week, I have the experienced the blessing of speaking with two individuals I dearly love about Christmas and also about loss.

I know they are not the only ones who find it difficult to enjoy Christmas due to the weight that is surely heartache.  And while both of these beautiful souls have suffered loss I have not, in other ways I cannot speak clearly of, I lost the same as they, for loss is something we all know. Unfortunately (or fortunately), grief is not a one size fits all thing. It is unique to each of us and the loss is unique to each of us. How we carry it and how it carries us is only ever ours.

For all I know about loss and grief, I know much more about love. I know that love never leaves us, never empties us, and never disappoints us. I’m sure you’re already thinking I don’t know much. But I stick to my belief. Love doesn’t disappoint or leave us, but that doesn’t mean that people don’t/won’t. Love doesn’t fail; people fail. And sometimes in the midst of our grieving or mourning a loss or rejection, we push the thought of love away because to linger with it is too painful, too much of a reminder of our own failures.

But eventually, it is that very love and those very thoughts that heal us, that strengthen us. We may abandon love, but it never abandons us. That which is true doesn’t somehow become less true because we deny it.

I work with a company that handles health insurance and benefits. More than once, I’ve heard from a member who is distraught because data was stored and visible on an ‘ex’. Each time (every time), I laugh to myself at the thought that any of us could ever totally remove someone from the place they held in our hearts, memories, life. It is impossible, as well it should be. I’ve often shared this quote – “The problem with having everything you ever wanted is having everything you once wanted.”

If I ever loved you, I love you still. If I can un-love, then surely I never did.

Love remains whether we want it to or not. It becomes a part of us, changing the ways we navigate life and future relationships. It may evolve or change, but if we allow it to, it becomes the best of who we are and what we know to be true when everything else fails. It becomes the fragile vase we could never put back on the shelf.

So, while Christmas may prove hard for some, take comfort in knowing that another day will come when the memories that torture us will bring us unimaginable joy. We will laugh again! We absolutely will!

This season – this gift – is a time for remembering (even when it hurts) and holding on to that which makes life worth living. We cannot lose it, and it can never lose us.

Let us love and love some more!

. . .

best ever ~

04 Tuesday Dec 2018

Posted by tornadoday in a time for telling, Poetry, Storytelling

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

bliss, connection, faith, family, grace, gravel roads, knowledge, life, living, love, memory, old maps, postmark, reason, relationship, spirit, strength, truth, wealth, wonder

Just this week, a friend told me of the start of a new tradition within her family wherein each member shared their best Christmas memory. Even in recounting the experience, tears filled her eyes as she spoke of her own, and those shared by others. There were moments of sorrow and others sweeterstillof pure joy, but eventually, they all became the best memory ever.

How is it that we’ve forgotten that? To know that every sorrow wears a coat of joy, and every bliss is but a warning of grief – a missing of the sweetest part? And yet, when measured into the same overflowing cup, they become the best – again and again.

She asked to my best memory ever and I think (partially) it was dislodged from my heart by her telling, but it is one of joy and family……….the best ever still.

Tho we didn’t know it at the time, we weren’t rich. My family of six lived in a two bedroom trailer until I was twelve. Then we moved into a castle of three bedrooms….. 🙂 The memory recalled is from the ‘castle’. Every Saturday was the same. One by one, my brother and sisters would wake for some reason and make our way to my parent’s room, my parent’s bed. Until we were all there, telling our dreams, torturing and tickling, and eventually deciding on breakfast.

But Christmas was another such time. My brother (who by virtue of the fact that he was the only son, had his own bedroom) would sleep in the girl’s room. We’d all pile into one big bed (or it seemed big at the time – tho I suspect it was no more than a full-size). I’m not sure we slept at all, but during the night, with every little squeak or bending of board, we’d speculate that Santa had come around. My brother was the designated outlook for us, and he would sneak down the hall to spy on the living room………and then run back to the safety of us to report. There was no understanding that it had to be five o’clock before we could get up. The only restriction was that we couldn’t get up before Santa had arrived.

closerYears later, I have heard stories of how long it took to get all the presents under the tree*. Between wrapping, assembling, and playing with all the toys – it was their joy we were most anticipating I think. Even now, at Christmas, I imagine the sound of little boy feet running down the hall…….. ‘he’s here, he’s here’………..

Let us keep Christmas forever in our tiny hearts, remembering things little as big. Let us keep love through the sharing of stories – creating anew every best memory.

* My Chatty Cathy doll was almost worn out before Christmas, and a promise to get a kitten for my sister resulted in an unexpected run to the country – and a cat that nearly brought my dad to stitches.  In the telling, even more sweet beautiful tears.  My dad comments, ‘we didn’t know just how good we had it’….  Then he winks, ‘yeah, we knew’……..

wake me home
some other year –
beyond this life surrendered
fall to me the places
I have known –
save for me
a little room
with not much more
for leaving –
arms to fill
wake me now
to home

. . .

Author’s Note:  One of my favorite reposted as a reminder.

all we’ve forgotten to be ~

04 Tuesday Dec 2018

Posted by tornadoday in Poetry, Storytelling

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

beginnings, christmas, family, home, life, light, love, snow, the memory of us, time, truth

SONY DSC

sleigh bells
and whispers
of Christmases past
who I was then
but a sigh barely heard
ribbons and snowfall
a sweet welcome in
moments together
a song
without words –

though time has a way
of deciding our truth
love keeps all
we’ve forgotten to be –
a place of beginning
carries us still
as a candle burns long
in the heart’s
memory

. . .

heir to earth and heaven ~

26 Monday Nov 2018

Posted by tornadoday in Poetry, spirituality

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

christianity, daughter of a king, faith, family, gratitude, life, love, nature, spirit, time, truth, writing in the dark

smiles

I’m an heir to earth
and heaven
a child of will and wing
sister to the mountains
the forest
and the seas
a voice formed in silence
echoing of soul
more than breath allowing
a promise on the breeze
another night
ten thousand lights
to join the worlds between
I am of love
to question not –
the daughter
of a king

. . .

last in line ~

11 Wednesday Jul 2018

Posted by tornadoday in Poetry, Storytelling

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

acceptance, contentment, family, happiness, home, living, love, still, truth, unplugged, wealth

When I was a kid, I did not (ever) walk five miles in the snow to get to school. I didn’t have to get up at three to milk the cows or muck the stalls. The things I did as a child weren’t seen as ever a hardship, but simply what I did. I neither saw it as hard or easy, but simply a part of my living.

Until I was a teenager, I shared a tiny room with a sister and a brother. Later, I shared a slightly larger room with two sisters. I shared a bathroom with all of them. I shared shampoo, towels and toothpaste. When times were really tight, as the oldest, I was last in line to use the bathwater.

Was it disgusting? I don’t recall ever thinking that. And, up to this point, I’ve suffered no long term trauma as a result.

Maybe I already knew it wasn’t all about me. Regardless of how bad or easy I had it, I already knew there were others who had it worse.

granny's house

Until my grandpa died, he and my granny lived in a plain clapboard house they had lived in most all their married life. The only electricity was on the ‘cold porch’ where they kept a fridge (which was a huge upgrade from their earlier icebox). There was no indoor plumbing. A cold drink was dipped from a bucket on the kitchen counter.

Almost every Sunday, my grandparents’ children and grandchildren would come for church and stay for dinner (aka lunch in most parts of the country). An average Sunday might include thirty people. There was a huge dining table, but ladderback chairs covered the front porch, the side yard, and back stoop.

Now, I realize there are plenty of people nowadays who cook like that for family on holidays or maybe even on Sundays.

But here’s the difference.

We’d have fried chicken, homemade biskits, white gravy, corn on the cob, green beans, and at least two kinds of cobbler. On special days, we’d have homemade icecream.

Doesn’t sound like much, does it?

But (remember) there was no electricity. Granny had most likely killed that chicken before church or the night before. All cooking was done on a wood burning stove with no microwave, no mixes, no running water, and no air conditioning…..by two little weathered hands.

Those same hands, covered with flour would fold into grace before we ate, offering gratitude for love that brought us into a solitary place.

❤

There were lots of trees in the yard; a side fence separated the house from the orchard, the backyard from the garden, the barn and the livestock. During most months, the song of the cicada was louder than that of the crickets. When they emerged from the ground, it was the trees where they left behind their brittle shells.

I’d collect those shells, lining them up along the porch and down the front path, creating a miniature parade. I would talk to them and pretend they were friends to each other.

❤

I realize it doesn’t sound like much. To anyone who never lived it, it might even sound backward or simple.

But we weren’t. We were rich. We had one another. We had Sunday. My grandpa had a store just over the hill with dirt floors, blue horse notebooks and ice cold Dr. Pepper and Orange Crush.

❤

I can recall spending hours watching feral kittens out the window. They lived under the house, but wouldn’t allow anyone to touch them. The closest I could get was the bedroom window.

We had the coldest water I believe I’ve ever tasted, and apple pie like nobody knows how to make anymore. We had a pond that froze in winters, and woods filled with Christmas trees!

❤

Was it always perfect? Of course not, although I can’t seem to recall moments that weren’t. I believe that who we become in this life isn’t due to a series of experiences, but rather what we choose to keep.

We had the beginning of a story, and hands that warmed around us.

❤

when there was nothing
I remember you –
a name within my mouth
a thunder slipping
soundless
through the night
when there was nothing
all we had
was enough to fold around
when there was nothing
all we had
was everything

. . .

Author’s Note: Inscription on the back of this photo –
First rule of life. Never be without someone to love. ❤

all I knew was dancing ~

05 Thursday Apr 2018

Posted by tornadoday in Poetry

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

birthday, blessing, comfort, family, light, love, the dance of life, time, truth

daddy and me

how gracious time
with all her ways –
to spread a comfort o’er me
when nights
their darkness gathers
to my bed
I recall a time
ten thousand more
as breath when I was dying
hands around my hands
a kiss upon the head

dreams of somewhere
I was yours
for miles
the pathway beckoned
a springtime breeze
swirling blossoms round
til all I knew
was dancing –
two and back again
within your arms
high above
the ground

…

April 6th – Two years since my daddy passed. His real birthday. ❤

unwilling to fall ~

22 Thursday Mar 2018

Posted by tornadoday in Poetry, Storytelling

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

age, dreams, family, keeper of dreams, life, love, personal, seasons, soul, spirit, story, storyteller

stealmeaway

I’m the eldest
of four –
the youngest to some
and ancient to babies unborn
my eyes are the darkest
my arms the strongest
and for verse
I’m the one
unwilling to fall
when nights grow dreary
and dreams are for saving
forever a moment –
imagined one day
a slow lullabye
as rain on the pines –
for years matter nothing
at all

. . .

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Poetic Thoughts

Benjamin Grossman

Starry-eyed Writer, Cautious Philosopher, Hopeful Romantic

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