• About
  • Proof

tornadoday

~ …might I be found in words I leave behind

tornadoday

Tag Archives: connection

whatever she’s wearing ~

06 Wednesday Aug 2014

Posted by tornadoday in a time for telling, Poetry

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

becoming, bliss, connection, destiny, dreams, faith, family, fearless, forgiveness, grace, gravel roads, knowledge, life, living, love, memory, old maps, passion, reason, relationship, southern, spirit, truth, understanding, value

As a rule, writing isn’t a problem for me. I place my fingers on the keys and let go (sometimes, like now, I close my eyes). The problem is never about writing, but quite often, it is about knowing when to stop. Rambling can become a novella in no time flat. A single good idea can take on epic proportions such that what I meant to say is never heard.

I say that as a way of explaining this piece. I’d like to stay on course, and not stray too far. And yet, I am not optimistic in that regard.

This comes as fallout from a visit with my parents last evening. You’ll understand (hopefully) somewhere along the telling.

My parents are lovers.19855_291930821274_660437_n

While most children are thrilled to have friends over, I was always a little apprehensive. I feared my parents would embarrass me. I can still remember how there was a mirror hung above the TV when I was a kid. You couldn’t watch TV without also catching what was going on in the kitchen behind you. “What was going on” was most always the same – my parents kissing. Yuk! Can you imagine the concern that would cause in a twelve year old girl’s heart?

And yet, now I see it differently (funny how that happens).

My grandfather owned a restaurant where my mother often worked the cash register. Child laws didn’t apply, or least not in the rural hills of Tennessee. My dad was a regular, and they met over the pinball machine. After several attempts, he finally convinced her to go out with him (but that’s another story involving the county fair and some ‘floozy from McMinnville’). Three months later, my granny rode with them over the state line into Georgia, where they were married. He was 23 and she was 14.

His tour with the Air Force ended two months later, with seven days between his discharge and starting a job he would work for more than fifty years. I was the result of that seven day break. By the time my mom turned 25, she had four children.

Other than grandparents, I don’t recall ever a time that my parents had a baby-sitter. They never went where we didn’t go, and if we went to the movie and it turned out to be a little too much, we’d leave. There were no theatres in our town, so movies were trips to the drive-in; lawn chairs in the backend of a pickup truck. But always, we were together; they were together.

I’m positive that things weren’t always so easy, and yet (and yet) more times than not, they somehow managed to make it look that way. There was never a problem bigger than their love for each other.momanddad

As grown-up children, we’ve come to understand that there’s no sense arguing. If mama’s in the hospital, daddy will sleep on the floor. If daddy’s in the hospital, mama will sleep wherever she can, and more than once, they’ve been known to crowd into a hospital bed. I’m not sure I’d know what to do if my parents didn’t kiss before parting, even if it’s just a trip to the kitchen. Even now, they snuggle in the backseat as if they had just met.

If you ask my dad what colors he likes best, he’ll quickly respond, ‘whatever she’s wearing’.

But around to last night.

I was leaving. Daddy pulled himself up from the couch, and put his arm around mama. [Let me add another footnote here. Regardless of what time might take, it’s never changed the sparkle in his eye when he hears her voice or looks at her.]

He said, ‘you know something….I don’t know how, but every day I love this woman more’.19855_291939546274_1780091_n

I smiled, ‘yep, just when you thought it impossible, your heart got bigger’.

We walked to the door, and there were more hugs and more kisses.

‘Daddy, do you love me more every day?’

‘Yes……..I do’……..and then a crooked smile and that sparkle, ‘but not like her’.

I’ve come to understand that the first person to kiss me doesn’t matter nearly as much as the last.

 

. . .

somewhere still
they’re making plans
for me another life
than a sheet or two strung out
on the line
a fate I’d never trade
for less than hand-me-downs
a moment here for getting on
is proof
of love divine

. . .

http://www.metrolyrics.com/his-only-need-lyrics-judd-wynonna.html

music we’ve forgotten ~

04 Monday Aug 2014

Posted by tornadoday in Poetry

≈ 13 Comments

Tags

becoming, breath, connection, conscious consciousness, dreams, faith, fearless, grace, gravel roads, knowledge, life, living, love, passion, reason, spirit, strength, truth, understanding, value, wonder

forme

in the wink
that is a lifetime
moments paused between
the places
we became –
as spirit learned
of music we’ve forgotten
the beauty of the dance
times
we swore
some other
to return

without a map
for making –
to places we exist
a warmth
that is the sun
against our night
seasons robbed of color
constellations
turn in time –
breathless complication
of our easing into
flight

a day
a week
eternities –
tree steps and backward two
turning
gently turning
to the waltz of falling leaves
touching on
a memory
reminders why
we came –
to wake again this wonder
left the soul to grieve

. . .

eden’s babies ~

31 Thursday Jul 2014

Posted by tornadoday in Poetry

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

connection, fearless, grace, gravel roads, knowledge, life, love, nature, old maps, passion, reason, relationship, seeing in the dark, spirit, understanding, wandering, wonder

SONY DSC

were not
for simple glories
sewn into the field
the winds
would surely come
to take the seed
left of eden’s babies
scattered by the flood
to blossom
from the cracks
in misery

. . .

something there ~

28 Monday Jul 2014

Posted by tornadoday in a time for telling, Poetry

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

awakened, becoming, bliss, cherokee, connection, conscious consciousness, death, destiny, faith, family, fearless, forgiveness, grace, gravel roads, knowledge, life, love, memory, nature, passion, reason, spirit, spirituality, strength, truth, understanding, wandering, wisdom, wonder

tellme

was there ever
here before
some refrain of yesterday –
a flame
beyond the dark
to lure us home
a story left
for making sense
as want for one last time
a fate designed by more
than wishful thinking

a stand of pines
a bed of dreams –
between
beyond the river
is something there
reminding us
of ways by which we came
to find the truth
was bound to us
always

for reasons
I dare not explain
life implores the soul –
begin
fading tender graces
older scars
are weaved into the making
of all we’re come
to be

lines are crossed
into the light
again

. . .

starting over ~

28 Monday Jul 2014

Posted by tornadoday in Poetry

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

becoming, bliss, breath, connection, conscious consciousness, dreams, faith, fearless, forgiveness, grace, gravel roads, home, knowledge, life, living, love, memory, nature, old maps, passion, resurrection, soul, spirit, truth, understanding, wandering, wisdom, wonder

lestIforget

the morning sun
is burned into these places
I am found
as fleeting was your memory
of when
and how it was
I knew of you –
the same as times before
from the start
of starting over
was a kiss
without a name

. . .

drifter ~

27 Sunday Jul 2014

Posted by tornadoday in Poetry

≈ 14 Comments

Tags

becoming, bliss, cherokee, connection, conscious consciousness, destiny, dreams, fearless, grace, knowledge, life, love, old maps, passion, poetry, restless, resurrection, self, spirit, truth, understanding, wandering, wisdom, wonder

springskies

of this soul
how much is known
of loves beyond
remember

a diamond sky
and buried stones
exists of all
I am

I knew before
tho I can’t say
what of when
I wandered

of nights into you
falling
as the first

of ancient
lights
above the path
familiar unfamiliar

before the fathers
gave of breath
a name

. . .

where secrets hide ~

25 Friday Jul 2014

Posted by tornadoday in a time for telling, Poetry

≈ 16 Comments

Tags

bliss, breath, connection, dreams, forgiveness, grace, gravel roads, knowledge, life, love, memory, old maps, passion, reason, resurrection, spirit, strength, truth, understanding, woman, wonder, writing

forawhile

sometimes
still
you find me here
pressed between the pages

a verse or so
you never meant
to write

is colored
by carnation
to match
the aging sun
lines erased
passions to ignite

these fragile sheets
where secrets hide
beyond the grasp
of time
eternal as a moment
where history is laid

in words –
the heart
remembers us
the same

. . .

but for this ~

23 Wednesday Jul 2014

Posted by tornadoday in a time for telling, Poetry, Rambling

≈ 16 Comments

Tags

becoming, connection, conscious consciousness, destiny, faith, fearless, forgiveness, grace, gravel roads, knowledge, life, living, love, memory, old maps, passion, reason, restless, spirit, spirituality, strength, truth, understanding

Recently, a friend posted something about control and it stayed with me through the day. I kept coming back to it, such that I eventually conceded that maybe it was something I needed to write about.  Maybe it was a conversation I needed with myself. so that I understood more clearly.

As with everything I post here, I would expect you to take what you will from it. And if it doesn’t work for you, well, it doesn’t work. That’s exactly as it should be.  I would hate for anyone to see this as anything more than opinion.

Now, where was I?loveme

All of us are familiar with the obvious signs of control, with individuals who insist that everything be done their way. They set the rules for every relationship they have, with only a cursory concern for anyone other than themselves. But there are other ‘less obvious’ things that I have come to view as control, and I’ve struggled with coming up a definition that works (that expresses my thoughts). Maybe, for me, it’s a grey line that ultimately comes down to expectations.

If you do something nice for me, with an expectation that I will do the same, that’s a form of control because your heart isn’t concerned as much with the giving as with the getting back. If you wash my car because you’re planning to ask me to watch your dog on Saturday, I view that as a form of control and the kind act is somehow lessened. Of course, I realize that I could thank you for the car wash and still refuse to watch your pet, but that’s a bigger pill to swallow because it requires us to ignore the kindness. See?

Yet, this stuff happens all the time. It’s a give and take (o, the games people play). Even the best relationships are filled with these subtle interactions (dance), as perhaps they should be. That’s why the line is so fuzzy – because it’s not so easy to see when a gesture becomes a job – when a kindness becomes a debt – when a good relationship becomes not so good. From my perspective, the line is the expectation.  At the precise moment that I thought less of you because you didn’t respond or react the way I wanted, it stopped being about my love for you.

I’m not perfect (yeah, I’ve said that before), and I’ve behaved in very unloving ways at times. I regret those and, in retrospect, I can see the instant I crossed the fuzzy line. In some cases, I just wanted someone else to feel as badly as I. In others, I was convinced that tears or ultimatums would somehow swing the odds in my favor. But, if I look closely (and honestly), those were times when the only thing that mattered was that I got what I wanted.

And that’s a control issue, no matter how easily it might be to defend.

If I refuse to keep your pooch, and you blow up, reminding me of how you washed my car……..well, there you have it. If I get angry because I don’t get my way and somehow make it all your fault, that’s a control thing. I am absolutely sure of one thing – if you wish to see who someone really is, watch what they do when they don’t get what they want.

“Anyone who loves in the expectation of being loved in return is wasting their time.”  From my personal experience, I might even argue that they just think they’re loving.

As you would expect, many of my students are experts in the art of control. Family and friends are manipulated by the notion that their loved one will be homeless, without food, or even suicidal if they don’t pay the electric bill, keep the kids, or buy them clothes for a date (with the guy who is going to change everything).  It’s not hard to understand why so many are without any support at all; they’ve become masters at burning bridges.

I rarely have a class where someone doesn’t approach me with a need of some kind, and by need, I mean something beyond that which I’ve openly offered.  Those who know me might wonder how I could ever say ‘no’, and yet I’ve come to understand that (sometimes) in helping, the only thing I’ve done is delay the lesson.  I’m not even sure they notice how their perceived need has become something more – a means for measuring.  They’ve done it so long that they’re oblivious to the demands they make on the people who love them (as proof of that love).

It’s everywhere. Employees tolerate an ogre of a boss because they’re afraid of losing their job; men so afraid  of losing everything that they settle for a co-existence rather than a relationship built on love; women who trade their voice for nicer kitchen cabinets and granite countertops.

The world is filled with takers, those who can spot a kind heart across a busy freeway. The really sad thing is that there are kind hearts out there who want so badly to be loved that they will accept whatever they’re given.

“What we all want, really, is to be loved. That craving drives our worst behavior.”

The best relationships are defined by those with no ulterior motive for love. True love is never a dependency; it seeks only to be.

“I am surprised how difficult for people is to say “I love you”. They only say the three magic words when they are sure they will hear “I love you too” back. C’mon! Spread the energy of love without expecting anything! Cowards are incapable of expressing love; it is the prerogative of the brave.”

what of this
my heart shall break
and leave upon your hands
the stain
the promise
I was waiting for
is not for want
to come again

. . .

once the same ~

22 Tuesday Jul 2014

Posted by tornadoday in a time for telling, Poetry

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

becoming, bliss, connection, conscious consciousness, destiny, dreams, fearless, forgiveness, gravel roads, life, love, memory, nature, old maps, passion, reason, restless, spirit, strength, truth, understanding, wandering

tenderme

how many times
have I heard tell
of blossoms in November
beyond the reach
of reason
where memories are laid
flickers bloom
the faintest scent
of mystery and myrtle
evermore is not so far –
awaiting you
to dream

with stories
of your wanderings
beyond the reach of light
beyond the edge of knowing
where to go
moonlight sits
in shadow
of every present tense
would know the way
you knew
to find me now

wrapped in yellow flowers
as once the same you loved –
grew along the pasture
with lavender
and sage
remember how
the cedars stretched
to block the view of morning
of prying eyes
before the skies
were blue

what winters
have you tucked away
in hollyhock and briar
beneath the fold
where all your secrets lay
of heaven come
one night to find you
standing by the gate
caught between the first to leave
and coming back
to me

. . .

a place I keep ~

21 Monday Jul 2014

Posted by tornadoday in a time for telling, Rambling

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

cherokee, connection, conscious consciousness, dreams, faith, fearless, forgiveness, grace, letting go, life, living, love, memory, old maps, passion, postmark, reason, spirit, strength, truth, understanding, value, wisdom

Many years ago, my Christmas holiday was interrupted by a ‘once-in-a-lifetime’ experience. On Christmas eve, I was called to assist with the birth of a calf. The mother was down, and the calf was breech. A cesarean was needed to save the life of both the calf and mother. Once an animal ‘gets down’, time is of the essence.

But this writing isn’t about time, or about calves. It is instead about something else I learned that night. I suppose I was naïve in thinking the human body is more like the board used when playing ‘Operation’ than it is a sack of potatoes. I expected everything to have its designated place, and that is true but only in a very general sense.wealth

In order to get to the baby, we had to do a lot of moving of other things. Imagine a tub full of water balloons in various sizes, and you’ll understand what I mean. Anyone familiar with this would understand how a baby has room to grow; how a tumor has room to grow.

The body is an amazing thing in this way, and in some ways, the heart is the same. I’m not talking about the physical heart (the viscero) but rather the center, where our deepest feelings are stored. It is much like to the cigar box I had when I was young. It held my treasure, and I’m fairly certain that someone looking in that box could tell what mattered to me, could formulate some version of my story. The heart is just that, an accumulation of thoughts, emotion and feeling. And like the body, the heart is able to always make room for more.

As much as I love, I’m confident that I cannot ever be loved-up, to the point where I can’t love any more. It is my belief that the more you love, the more you love, such that the heart is forever growing larger.

But the heart can hold more than just love and pleasant memories. It can harbor bitterness, regret, resentment, and hate. In some ways, these things do to the heart what a tumor does to the body. They don’t really belong, but the heart makes room for them.

untilIknewAnd the heart carries them. I imagine the lightness of love and kindness, and how much bitterness and regret must weigh in comparison. Forgiveness, when given, surely has almost no weight at all, but carried too long (held back), it becomes heavier and heavier, weighing us down. Like a tumor, it poisons everything we know, taking more and more of our joys, our happiness, our dreams.

Imagine my cigar box. If I insisted on keeping every rock thrown at me, in no time at all, there’d be no room for feathers.

of all I have
my joys to keep
the first to kiss
my last
a jar of jam
a house my father owned
make my bed
of feathers cast aside
by downy flight
draw my bath
from rivers
nearly gone

. . .

← Older posts
Newer posts →

Recent Posts

  • falling again ~
  • spent on wishes ~
  • house from falling birds ~
  • plans for evermore ~
  • days ~
tai game ve dien thoai Để Tai Game Ve Dien Thoai – Tải Game Về Điện Thoại các bạn chỉ cần truy cập vào trang Game4m.Net – Đây là trang web game Tai Game Ve Dien Thoai – Tải Game Về Điện Thoại cực lớn với nhiều thể loại game dành cho mọi dòng điện thoại : Android , Java , IOS ,BB các dòng máy Trung Quốc Các game được Tai Game Ve Dien Thoai – Tải Game Về Điện Thoại bao gồm các thể loại : Nhập vai , chiến thuật , game trí tuệ , Game đánh bài , Online , Offline được cập nhật rất đầy đủ và phong phú . tai game game dien thoai game dien thoai Tải Game Dien Thoai – Game Điện Thoại cực hay tại Game4m.Net thế giới của Game Dien Thoai – Game Điện Thoại di động Tại đây các bạn có thể tải Game Dien Thoai – Game Điện Thoại miễn phí với những phiên bản mới nhất , sự kiện liên tục được cập nhật

Archives

  • December 2024
  • August 2024
  • July 2024
  • April 2024
  • March 2024
  • February 2024
  • January 2024
  • December 2023
  • November 2023
  • October 2023
  • September 2023
  • August 2023
  • July 2023
  • June 2023
  • May 2023
  • April 2023
  • March 2023
  • February 2023
  • January 2023
  • December 2022
  • November 2022
  • October 2022
  • September 2022
  • August 2022
  • July 2022
  • June 2022
  • May 2022
  • April 2022
  • March 2022
  • February 2022
  • January 2022
  • December 2021
  • November 2021
  • October 2021
  • September 2021
  • August 2021
  • July 2021
  • June 2021
  • May 2021
  • April 2021
  • March 2021
  • February 2021
  • January 2021
  • December 2020
  • November 2020
  • October 2020
  • September 2020
  • August 2020
  • July 2020
  • June 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019
  • March 2019
  • February 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • October 2018
  • September 2018
  • August 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • March 2018
  • February 2018
  • January 2018
  • December 2017
  • November 2017
  • October 2017
  • September 2017
  • August 2017
  • July 2017
  • June 2017
  • May 2017
  • April 2017
  • March 2017
  • February 2017
  • January 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016
  • October 2016
  • September 2016
  • August 2016
  • July 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • April 2016
  • March 2016
  • February 2016
  • January 2016
  • December 2015
  • November 2015
  • October 2015
  • September 2015
  • August 2015
  • July 2015
  • June 2015
  • May 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • November 2014
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014
  • December 2013
  • November 2013
  • October 2013
  • September 2013
  • August 2013
  • July 2013
  • June 2013
  • May 2013
  • April 2013
  • March 2013
  • February 2013
  • January 2013
  • December 2012
  • November 2012
  • October 2012
  • September 2012
  • August 2012
  • July 2012
  • June 2012
  • May 2012
  • April 2012
  • March 2012

Blog Stats

  • 129,178 hits

Direction

a time for telling Awards folklore Haiku home perfect country song Poetry Rambling Soapbox spirituality Storytelling Uncategorized verse

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

  • Poestory porium's avatar
  • santable's avatar
  • silverapplequeen's avatar
  • Unknown's avatar
  • Unknown's avatar
  • Stephen V Nguyen's avatar
  • House of Heart's avatar
  • Rick Mallery's avatar
  • Unknown's avatar
  • Unknown's avatar
  • mikesteeden's avatar
  • Unknown's avatar
  • Benjamin Grossman's avatar
  • Unknown's avatar
  • wanderwithfaith's avatar
  • yassie's avatar
  • Unknown's avatar
  • Unknown's avatar
  • Fox Reviews Rock's avatar
  • Unknown's avatar
  • Unknown's avatar
  • Unknown's avatar
  • T. Ahzio's avatar
  • Kirsten Curcio's avatar
  • Unknown's avatar
  • Anthony Robert's avatar
  • Unknown's avatar
  • Unknown's avatar
  • Unknown's avatar
  • Alicia Poderti's avatar
  • ceezarbilz's avatar
  • Unknown's avatar
  • Unknown's avatar
  • Unknown's avatar
  • Unknown's avatar
  • A's avatar
  • Unknown's avatar
  • Unknown's avatar
  • Deborah Ann Belka's avatar
  • Unknown's avatar
  • Bogdan Dragos's avatar
  • maia's avatar
  • inavukic's avatar
  • Unknown's avatar
  • Unknown's avatar
  • Ali Grimshaw's avatar
  • Unknown's avatar
  • Unknown's avatar
  • Unknown's avatar
  • johnmacormacart's avatar

Blog Stats

  • 129,178 hits

Blogs I Follow

  • Poetic Thoughts
  • Benjamin Grossman
  • Discover WordPress
  • Walt's Writings
  • Silent Fingers
  • houseofheartweb.wordpress.com/
  • ithoughtyouwerejoking.wordpress.com/
  • Exploring the epiphany
  • Seasonings
  • Revelation
  • MyWorldsInWords
  • yelena's poetry
  • Now & Then
  • Blonde in Flares
  • Ziyaad poet
  • The Reluctant Poet
  • Dr. Eric Perry’s Blog
  • Broken roads of Destiny
  • grandfathersky
  • Randomreasoning

Blog at WordPress.com.

Poetic Thoughts

Benjamin Grossman

Starry-eyed Writer, Cautious Philosopher, Hopeful Romantic

Discover WordPress

A daily selection of the best content published on WordPress, collected for you by humans who love to read.

Walt's Writings

Poetry about Life, Love, Music by Walt Page, The Tennessee Poet

Silent Fingers

~ journey of a rose scented ink ~

houseofheartweb.wordpress.com/

ithoughtyouwerejoking.wordpress.com/

Exploring the epiphany

Seasonings

Just a little poetry...

Revelation

MyWorldsInWords

View my worlds

yelena's poetry

Now & Then

The fears of a girl, the heart of a woman, and everything inbetween...

Blonde in Flares

Flared and prepared.

Ziyaad poet

Just a cup of poetry and cookies

The Reluctant Poet

A Discovery of Enlightening Insights, Information, Humor, Writings and Musings

Dr. Eric Perry’s Blog

Motivate | Inspire | Uplift

Broken roads of Destiny

“Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.” — Maya Angelou

grandfathersky

Thoughts and feelings made into words about the world and times in which we live ...

Randomreasoning

Making a connection when everything is connected

  • Subscribe Subscribed
    • tornadoday
    • Join 2,203 other subscribers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • tornadoday
    • Subscribe Subscribed
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...