At a point in my past (actually, I was just out of college), I discovered something that I wasn’t meant to find. I suspect no one was meant to, for surely it would no longer have existed.
If you believe in the divine wisdom of the universe, then perhaps it was there for me to find all along.
It was a piece of information that I knew would prove hurtful to a lot of people – people I loved (and still love) dearly.
At the time, I hurt for the person who had kept the item – for it was associated with a person (and times) long since passed. I felt sorrow that they had carried this grief past its due, but even worse that of all the memories they could have chosen, this was the one they saved.
Even now, I weep for a choice that took years from a wounded soul, and wonder if there were nights when they lay awake remembering that time, only to stumble through the darkness, digging through old boxes to find it – a reminder of pain – sorting through treasure to find the knife, ignoring the best for the sake of the worst.
I know a lot of people who are like this. They cling to the things that poison, holding grudges for wrongs committed a lifetime ago, often by persons dead and gone. They rise each day and pull their bitterness to them, holding to their grief and their anger as if it would save them – as if it could change. Seldom do they realize that the only thing we can change is the thing we own. “If every problem in my life can be traced back to my mother, then I am in a unfortunate position – for until my mother changes, I’m stuck.”
In case you wonder, I have yet to share that secret bit of knowledge (this as close as I will come). But on that day, surrounded by boxes (less the one item I carried with me), I wept for both of them and forgave them both as well.
While the purpose of these ‘tellings’ is to impress the need for storytellers, there are some stories that need not be remembered again. I guess this post turned out to be about two things – the things we keep and the things we don’t.
and weeping for a pain
refused to heal –
though seasons passed
and still your vigil held.
Never thought beyond the hurt –
to resurrection –
beyond the veil
forgiveness to reveal –
the truth of life
the hope for love –
grace beyond compassion.
Dry your tears –
the day approaches new.

I had to sleep on what you wrote before replying…and after all of that, only to say, our families are comprised of fallible human beings. So often we have them on some kind of pedestal…but they are human–some rushing out to greet the world and others harboring past hurts, reliving past events and they never get to “now”. Sometimes, what we learn is so awful we never are able to view them with loving eyes again–all part of the puzzle of life. I really like what this story/poem has to say about our life views. xoxo
Indeed, they are merely human. I have another piece written on just that. Sometimes the realization makes us love them even more, and other times, it takes all we have to forgive. Love on this blessed day, Jeannie. – Bobbie
Yes, there IS a time to weep and a time to laugh! A time to let go; and a time to hold dear the love that binds!
…and when our days are nearly past, we will reflect on those things that brought us tears, and see the treasure in them that was our joy…..for how could we know one if not for the other. Always, while you sit with one, the other lies on your bed. Sweet amazing wonderful life!!!! Thank you, Granbee! Love, Bobbie